Comments on: 5 Reasons Single Women Should Leave The Nest http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/ making courtship work in the real world Tue, 24 Jan 2012 05:57:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Guest http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-201 Guest Sun, 28 Aug 2011 03:44:00 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-201 I "bumped into" this article while searching for another post and have to say it's an issue I've thought a lot about and struggled with an answer.  This is now August of 2011, almost two years after this article was written, so perhaps nobody keeps up with it now.  But for the sake of others who might run across it ... I'm 29 and living at home.  I have a small home business and maintain individual friendships as well as fellowshipping alongside my family with other family units.  I'll freely admit living as an adult in my parent's household can be challenging.  But I'm sure that living as an adult with another adult (my husband) will also be challenging.  I love what Julie says (her post is below): "Living independently does NOT make a better wife -- it requires a woman to then give up that independence when she marries. Submission is something that most women have to work at; much more so when they are coming from a place where the final decision has been theirs."   I just want to say to Julie and to Shaun -- if either of them ever read this -- a huge, huge thank-you!!  As a woman living against today's culture,  it's so easy to lose heart: to wonder if you're the only one on the planet who thinks a woman's place is in her father's home until she marries.  On those days when it's just not easy, the temptation is to look around and say, "Okay, I'm done with this.  Nobody else does it this way. "  I am very encouraged to see your posts and know that I'm not alone in how I believe.   Julie, thank you for being a woman who will encourage other women to be true to the vision God has placed in our hearts through His word.  Shaun, thank you for the reminder that there are still men out there who are different than the mainstream, who are looking for women who cherish their family and support their dad in preparation for supporting and coming alongside their husbands.  To other girls who are also at home who might find this post, I just want to say, Keep looking to the Lord to fulfill your heart.  He promises never to desert the one who waits for Him (Psalm 37:3-7, Isaiah 64:4).  I have found the Lord to be utterly faithful.  Though He has not  (yet) granted the desire for marriage, yet as I have sought Him, He has shown me His heart, and nothing else can compare.   A God-ordained marriage will be wonderful, I'm sure, but from personal experience I will assure you, "Taste and see that the Lord is GOOD!"  I “bumped into” this article while searching for another post and have to say it’s an issue I’ve thought a lot about and struggled with an answer.  This is now August of 2011, almost two years after this article was written, so perhaps nobody keeps up with it now.  But for the sake of others who might run across it …

I’m 29 and living at home.  I have a small home business and maintain individual friendships as well as fellowshipping alongside my family with other family units.  I’ll freely admit living as an adult in my parent’s household can be challenging.  But I’m sure that living as an adult with another adult (my husband) will also be challenging.  I love what Julie says (her post is below): “Living independently does NOT make a better wife — it requires a woman
to then give up that independence when she marries. Submission is
something that most women have to work at; much more so when they are
coming from a place where the final decision has been theirs.”  

I just want to say to Julie and to Shaun — if either of them ever read this — a huge, huge thank-you!!  As a woman living against today’s culture,  it’s so easy to lose heart: to wonder if you’re the only one on the planet who thinks a woman’s place is in her father’s home until she marries.  On those days when it’s just not easy, the temptation is to look around and say, “Okay, I’m done with this.  Nobody else does it this way. “  I am very encouraged to see your posts and know that I’m not alone in how I believe.   Julie, thank you for being a woman who will encourage other women to be true to the vision God has placed in our hearts through His word.  Shaun, thank you for the reminder that there are still men out there who are different than the mainstream, who are looking for women who cherish their family and support their dad in preparation for supporting and coming alongside their husbands. 

To other girls who are also at home who might find this post, I just want to say, Keep looking to the Lord to fulfill your heart.  He promises never to desert the one who waits for Him (Psalm 37:3-7, Isaiah 64:4).  I have found the Lord to be utterly faithful.  Though He has not  (yet) granted the desire for marriage, yet as I have sought Him, He has shown me His heart, and nothing else can compare.   A God-ordained marriage will be wonderful, I’m sure, but from personal experience I will assure you, “Taste and see that the Lord is GOOD!” 

]]> By: Von http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-186 Von Mon, 31 Jan 2011 13:22:00 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-186 You seem to be saying that you would rather your mother have obeyed her own inclinations (self) rather than what God wants her to do. Wasn't it Jesus who said, "If you love me, obey my commands"? It is the mark of a Christian, indeed it was a mark of Christ, that we subordinate our will to the will of God. You seem to be saying that you would rather your mother have obeyed her own inclinations (self) rather than what God wants her to do. Wasn’t it Jesus who said, “If you love me, obey my commands”? It is the mark of a Christian, indeed it was a mark of Christ, that we subordinate our will to the will of God.

]]> By: Kae http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-185 Kae Mon, 31 Jan 2011 04:28:00 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-185 You sound slightly jealous and bitter in your statement, that wasn't what Melanie was saying at all. She was just stating that one can still submit and be under the authority of their parents while living apart from them. My mother was a home maker and I thank her everyday for it, but she didn't do it because it's in the word, she did it because she's a caring and wonderful person. There is a difference, I would rather a woman stay at home because she wants to than to stay home because it's law .... because you aren't really making a case for yourself but rather making me not want anything to do with a "sad" soul like yourself. You sound slightly jealous and bitter in your statement, that wasn’t what Melanie was saying at all. She was just stating that one can still submit and be under the authority of their parents while living apart from them. My mother was a home maker and I thank her everyday for it, but she didn’t do it because it’s in the word, she did it because she’s a caring and wonderful person. There is a difference, I would rather a woman stay at home because she wants to than to stay home because it’s law …. because you aren’t really making a case for yourself but rather making me not want anything to do with a “sad” soul like yourself.

]]> By: Erin Coates http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-178 Erin Coates Mon, 29 Nov 2010 13:31:37 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-178 Should we encourage adult single women to move out of their homes? To be frank, no. I have seen more young women get shipwrecked and messed up once they leave the house. I think our standard has to be the Bible and no-where does it say about a woman leaving her father an mother before marriage. It says this about the guy but not the woman. I don't have a problem with a young woman, who has events and social functions outside of her home but I believe that a woman can become well rounded and able to challenge her future husband's mind without getting a college education or working in the world. Personally, I work outside my home. This has been because of necessity but not something I encourage young women to do. It has been more of a struggle for me and although I have grown in maturity because of it, I don't believe that is the only way to grow. <br><br>Should they stay home under the covering of their parents? Yes, this is scriptural. However, I think that many parents have not raised their daughters to have an opinion, to be able to hold their own and to be mature in their thinking patterns. How sad if we think this is only attainable by pushing them out of the nest. Parents should encourage their children to make godly friends outside of their siblings, to practice hospitality and to learn from older mentors. They should be involved with church activities, community events and getting to know what "the real world" is like without a daily indoctrination to it. This is after all, the reason many homeschool.<br><br>As a single woman who has a very firm mind of her own...this was passed down to me by my parents. Although submission to authourity is crucial, my parents have taught me to challenge erroneous beliefs and to stand up for what is right. In other words to challenge issues not authourity. Should we encourage adult single women to move out of their homes? To be frank, no. I have seen more young women get shipwrecked and messed up once they leave the house. I think our standard has to be the Bible and no-where does it say about a woman leaving her father an mother before marriage. It says this about the guy but not the woman. I don't have a problem with a young woman, who has events and social functions outside of her home but I believe that a woman can become well rounded and able to challenge her future husband's mind without getting a college education or working in the world. Personally, I work outside my home. This has been because of necessity but not something I encourage young women to do. It has been more of a struggle for me and although I have grown in maturity because of it, I don't believe that is the only way to grow.

Should they stay home under the covering of their parents? Yes, this is scriptural. However, I think that many parents have not raised their daughters to have an opinion, to be able to hold their own and to be mature in their thinking patterns. How sad if we think this is only attainable by pushing them out of the nest. Parents should encourage their children to make godly friends outside of their siblings, to practice hospitality and to learn from older mentors. They should be involved with church activities, community events and getting to know what “the real world” is like without a daily indoctrination to it. This is after all, the reason many homeschool.

As a single woman who has a very firm mind of her own…this was passed down to me by my parents. Although submission to authourity is crucial, my parents have taught me to challenge erroneous beliefs and to stand up for what is right. In other words to challenge issues not authourity.

]]> By: Daniel B http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-174 Daniel B Mon, 22 Nov 2010 20:14:02 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-174 << 1. Why do you think these gifts need to be cultivated away from the home? Anything that can be done "outside" can be done at home as well - and in a better setting. >> <br> <br>When I'm married, our gifts will not only be used in the home - they will be used everywhere we go. So, it's best for us to both have gifts that have already been cultivated everywhere we go and not just in one safe easy environment. "A better setting" won't be good practice for a women who is going to be my *partner* and not just my supporter, because we won't often be in better settings. We need to already have our gifts refined in the fire, not just in the air conditioning. <br> <br><< Living independently does NOT make a better wife -- it requires a woman to then give up that independence when she marries. Submission is something that most women have to work at >> <br> <br>Living independently is a great way to learn the different between submission and passivity. << 1. Why do you think these gifts need to be cultivated away from the home? Anything that can be done “outside” can be done at home as well – and in a better setting. >>

When I'm married, our gifts will not only be used in the home – they will be used everywhere we go. So, it's best for us to both have gifts that have already been cultivated everywhere we go and not just in one safe easy environment. “A better setting” won't be good practice for a women who is going to be my *partner* and not just my supporter, because we won't often be in better settings. We need to already have our gifts refined in the fire, not just in the air conditioning.

<< Living independently does NOT make a better wife — it requires a woman to then give up that independence when she marries. Submission is something that most women have to work at >>

Living independently is a great way to learn the different between submission and passivity.

]]> By: DJ http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-163 DJ Mon, 18 Oct 2010 21:10:52 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-163 I have two words to say about Julie. Stockholm Syndrome. I have two words to say about Julie. Stockholm Syndrome.

]]> By: Von http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-156 Von Sun, 04 Jul 2010 06:58:05 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-156 Leaving aside the other issues, you seem to imply that our societies delay of marriage is a good thing that should then destroy the many Biblical reasons (some of which have been pointed out here) for the Godly authority structure of the family.<br><br>The problem that I see is we have completely left the Godly method of getting married, and the result is that we now have new categories of people that are left to try to create some new Biblical category for themselves... instead of our looking to Scripture and seeing that it is our own disobedience (ie that of the church and the fathers) which has brought this category into existence. Leaving aside the other issues, you seem to imply that our societies delay of marriage is a good thing that should then destroy the many Biblical reasons (some of which have been pointed out here) for the Godly authority structure of the family.

The problem that I see is we have completely left the Godly method of getting married, and the result is that we now have new categories of people that are left to try to create some new Biblical category for themselves… instead of our looking to Scripture and seeing that it is our own disobedience (ie that of the church and the fathers) which has brought this category into existence.

]]> By: Julie http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-149 Julie Sat, 08 May 2010 07:27:39 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-149 Wow. Equating a God-given calling and direction ("keepers at home") with throwing their lives away? That is a very sad statement. A "personal life calling" does not trump what the Bible states. There is no valid personal revelation that contradicts the Word. Wow. Equating a God-given calling and direction (“keepers at home”) with throwing their lives away? That is a very sad statement. A “personal life calling” does not trump what the Bible states. There is no valid personal revelation that contradicts the Word.

]]> By: Julie http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-148 Julie Sat, 08 May 2010 07:17:33 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-148 Have to wholeheartedly disagree with you, Hannah.<br>1. Why do you think these gifts need to be cultivated away from the home? Anything that can be done "outside" can be done at home as well - and in a better setting.<br>2. "Diverse social interaction" can be positive or negative. And it can happen whether or not a woman lives at home. Living independently does NOT make a better wife -- it requires a woman to then give up that independence when she marries. Submission is something that most women have to work at; much more so when they are coming from a place where the final decision has been theirs. Thinking for yourself or problem-solving can be done at home. A parent who fails to let their 20-year old make decisions is doing them a disservice; in my experience, it's a rarity among homeschoolers, who generally teach their children to reason well.<br>3. Your children are your children regardless if they are 5 or 25. Living in your house while not being under their father's authority is a great way to build conflict and resentment, and often breeds rebellion in the younger children. In or out.<br>4. Absolutely! This is a time where her gifts can be used without the responsibility of a family. What a great time for ministry to others!<br>5. Yes, immaturity is unattractive. So is rebellion, anger, contentiousness, and discontent. What keeps that spark is the love of Christ, the oneness, the shared experiences, the knowledge they gain together, their family. In the best marriages, a couple grows TOGETHER as one rather than coming along side-by-side.<br><br>Your post, especially #5, seems to take a view of marriage as the end of something rather than the beginning. There is no need to come into it with everything your husband needs because you will grow together in the knowledge, experience, and love required. Have to wholeheartedly disagree with you, Hannah.
1. Why do you think these gifts need to be cultivated away from the home? Anything that can be done “outside” can be done at home as well – and in a better setting.
2. “Diverse social interaction” can be positive or negative. And it can happen whether or not a woman lives at home. Living independently does NOT make a better wife — it requires a woman to then give up that independence when she marries. Submission is something that most women have to work at; much more so when they are coming from a place where the final decision has been theirs. Thinking for yourself or problem-solving can be done at home. A parent who fails to let their 20-year old make decisions is doing them a disservice; in my experience, it's a rarity among homeschoolers, who generally teach their children to reason well.
3. Your children are your children regardless if they are 5 or 25. Living in your house while not being under their father's authority is a great way to build conflict and resentment, and often breeds rebellion in the younger children. In or out.
4. Absolutely! This is a time where her gifts can be used without the responsibility of a family. What a great time for ministry to others!
5. Yes, immaturity is unattractive. So is rebellion, anger, contentiousness, and discontent. What keeps that spark is the love of Christ, the oneness, the shared experiences, the knowledge they gain together, their family. In the best marriages, a couple grows TOGETHER as one rather than coming along side-by-side.

Your post, especially #5, seems to take a view of marriage as the end of something rather than the beginning. There is no need to come into it with everything your husband needs because you will grow together in the knowledge, experience, and love required.

]]> By: Elisabeth http://www.practicalcourtship.com/2009/5-reasons-why-single-women-should-leave-the-nest/comment-page-1/#comment-147 Elisabeth Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:51:01 +0000 http://www.practicalcourtship.com/?p=291#comment-147 It is funny how people do that. I believe that we should have open minds and should search the scriptures for outselves and find what we believe and we should never base what we believe off of an other persons belief without searching scripture first. <br> One scripture that I found that helped me with the issue of should "Daughters remain home" is Romans 14:12-22<br>12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. <br><br> 13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. 14As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food[b] is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. 15If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. 16Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. <br><br> 19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall. <br><br> 22So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.<br><br> To me that is saying that everyone is entitled to have their own opinion. It does not make it wrong for someone else even if you feel like it is wrong for you. 1 Corn 7 talks about the father giving the daughter in marrage but Paul did say that he did not speak by commandment but bypermission. (1 Corin 7:6)<br> Titus 2 talks about the older women teaching the younger women. It is not saying mothers. One other scripture that I found real interesting is 1 corn 11:3, <br><br> "3Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." <br> It said that the head of "the" woman is man. It did not say every woman whereas it said every man. These are just a few thoughts that have been running through my mind. It is funny how people do that. I believe that we should have open minds and should search the scriptures for outselves and find what we believe and we should never base what we believe off of an other persons belief without searching scripture first.
One scripture that I found that helped me with the issue of should “Daughters remain home” is Romans 14:12-22
12So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.

13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. 14As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food[b] is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. 15If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. 16Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.

19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

22So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.

To me that is saying that everyone is entitled to have their own opinion. It does not make it wrong for someone else even if you feel like it is wrong for you. 1 Corn 7 talks about the father giving the daughter in marrage but Paul did say that he did not speak by commandment but bypermission. (1 Corin 7:6)
Titus 2 talks about the older women teaching the younger women. It is not saying mothers. One other scripture that I found real interesting is 1 corn 11:3,

“3Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
It said that the head of “the” woman is man. It did not say every woman whereas it said every man. These are just a few thoughts that have been running through my mind.

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