As I posted above, God's Word gives clear direction in this area, and we are ignoring it.

There are thousands of Godly homeschooled young people of both genders who want to get married, are ready to get married, and should be married… indeed should have been married long ago… who are not married. Their church, their friends, and their families have all prepared them for marriage, for early marriage, for early, fruitful marriage… and they are not married. There is no persecution, no law, no physical infirmities that prevent them from being married… but they are not married. This is not a ‘panic’, it is a crisis. Indeed, we have from among the very best and brightest of our Christian young people, the best taught, from the finest families, who are already well past the flower of their age, and they are not married. That is beyond a crisis, it is a catastrophe.

Scripture provides clear answers to this crisis, clear solutions to this catastrophe: solutions we have ignored because they run counter to everything our culture has taught us. It is time that we began to take every thought captive to Christ, and throw of the chains of bondage to this world. It is time we ‘let them marry’.

<< What makes them compatible is their creation and their obedience to their creator… not some vague and unGodly modern standards of 'compatibility'. >>

So no person is better for anyone than any other person? As long as two people both are committed to following God, all are equally matches?

Just because the Bible doesn't directly say “Make a list of the most important must-haves and can't-stands in a spouse”, doesn't mean it's wrong to do so.

<< In Ephesians 5 we see that husbands are *commanded* to love their wives… nothing is said about only those 'compatible' wives. >>

Still doesn't mean it's wrong to try and find one.

<< The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. >>

That is a VERY necessary step, but it is hardly the whole aim of marriage. The entire reason and the only reason why anyone should want to be married is so they can fight for their marriage to not fall apart? What?

You make much of 'finding out if you are compatible', and scripture makes nothing of it. God created man and woman one flesh. What makes them compatible is their creation and their obedience to their creator… not some vague and unGodly modern standards of 'compatibility'.

And even 'uncompatible' couples (ie those who are unequally yoked) are told, in I Cor and I Pet, that their relationship is to be the same… the wives obedient to their husbands, the husbands obedient to God. In Ephesians 5 we see that husbands are *commanded* to love their wives… nothing is said about only those 'compatible' wives.

Chesterton said:

If Americans can be divorced for “incompatibility of temper” I cannot conceive why they are not all divorced. I have know many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible.”

— G.K. Chesterton

Also, for guys or girls, if you go a dance and stand around in a group of your own gender talking, you make people not want to ask you to dance because it's more awkward to come up to a group than an individual, and it's harder to do if you have to interrupt a conversation first, and people might feel bad asking one person (especially if there are only 2 people in the group) and leaving out the others.

“I noticed somewhere on your blog that you basically said love can be a choice….it can be, but the person you marry should be someone you love. Not someone you decide to love.”

Thomas is right. Love is a choice. I'd much rather have my spouse have chosen to love me than claim that she just drifted helplessly on a current that happened to force her emotions to view me differently than other guys.

The point of all this is if people want to do a home based courtship, they can't do it in isolation. In my wife's culture, the home is the center of courtship. But meeting people is not a problem, because the home is also center of a very active social life. What would happen if families, well before the children reached marriageable age, began inviting other families or singles over for dinner and other activities about once a week? By the time the kids got to a marriageable age, it would be no problem to finding someone. But that takes time and effort to show hospitality and build those relationships.

I wonder if another barrier to successful courtship may be the parents themselves. If the parents come across as harsh, judgmental, holier than thou, proud, ect. , it will repel many good young people. Who would want to be a part of that? Reading some of the blogs and websites on courtship, it seems to be a matter of pride on how many young men the father as been able to chase off. It may be necessary to say “No” sometimes, but it shouldn't be something to gloated over. The interrogation process some are advocating has all the warmth of Spanish Inquisition. I can contrast that with my own experience. My future in-laws built a warm caring relationship with me well before the courtship began. When they approached me about marriage, I was not able to take offense because I knew that they respected and loved me. That care made me consider their advice. The bottom line is that successful courtship is about building sincere caring relationships, not about rules or formulas.

David