Courtship Challenge #2: Interaction

“The lack of interaction has caused many home school guys to marry public school girls they meet at college. The home school girls stay home deep into their 20s not meeting many single men. They wonder where all the godly men are.”

I'm failing to see why this is a problem, unless one believes that home school guys OUGHT to ONLY marry home school girls and vise versa. If the home school guys can marry public school girls, why can homeschool girls not marry public school guys?

That said, there is a reason that home school guys are not going after home school girls, and it has to do with what most homeschooled kids (and most Christian kids) are taught about relationships and about their own identity and sexuality. They are taught that it's taboo to ask about or learn about, that it's inherently dirty, girls are taught to be suspicious of all guys because they are perverted and lustful, guys are taught that there is something wrong with them for having a sex drive and strong hormones, girls are taught to be helpless with regards to relationships and play hard-to-get games as if the Godly way for a women to be pursued was to send every man on earth a strong “don't pursue me” signal, etc …. most guys with enough initiative and confidence to be willing to put themselves out on a limb are going to go find a better limb than this to put themselves out on!

From a girl's point of view: we have a tendency to want to manipulate situations. We meddle where we should just be patient and wait. So it isn't always the best advice to go out and try something new. Sometimes we are right where God wants us, but it isn't the right time. Therefore, I agree with previous comments that guys should initiate the chase. In turn, girls should be willing to step out and be social.

God brings people together in surprising ways. We should “seek first His kingdom” rather than basing every decision on how it relates to getting married. We could focus all our energy on finding the right church with eligible men or women and then meet someone special while walking the dog. You never know.

Thomas, Thanks for posting this, I appreciate hearing your insight. I am a homeschool graduate and here is my two cents worth.
Do you agree(with this article)? I agree with much of what you are saying but you also say that arranged marriage is cultural and that's why it is not practiced today in North America. I would like to suggest that arranged marriage is God's idea, not man's and therefore transcends cultures. My family and I believe in arranged marriage and although my parent's will respect my preferences, the final choice who I marry will be up to them. Think about it, for some in Christian families where the parents are homeschooling them and spending large amounts of time and money into raising the children, they aren't going to pass them off on the first geek with flowers and a wedding ring. If they love their children, they will want the best for them. Sometimes the best is not something that the young adults are capable of discerning on their won. Don't get me wrong, I am a strong-willed individual who is very capable of making her own decisions but capability is not the real issue, God's design and plan is. I think we will see a revisit to arranged marriage amongst homeschoolers in the future. After all, Jewish, East Indian and some Chinese communities still successfully practice this today.

Is there a barrier to interaction in courtship? Well, if you mean is there a barrier to meeting and getting to know other godly young people, yes. I don't think that is because we lack social events to meet but because most young people shy away from talking about spiritual issues for fear of “scaring away” potential mates. If we don't speak up for what we believe in, can we be upset if there appears to be a lack of godly young people. You expect some guy to know you're godly if you never talk about Jesus or spiritual things? Honestly, I think one of the best events that we can have to bring godly young people together for friendship, encouragement and perhaps leading to courtship is Bible conferences that allow for small group discussion. If godliness is the number one priority, then create an avenue for talking about it!

What has caused it? I think some homeschoolers stay within their circle of fellow homeschoolers and never really meet other homeschool families from other states or provinces. After you finish high school homeschool, then your interaction with other homeschoolers is even more limited. Why can't we have an online site for homeschoolers to list their profiles of what their beliefs are, their long term goals, etc. Then the parents could screen the site along with their children for potential mates and start an email relationship. I know that long-distance relationships are not everyone's ideal but they do work.

How can we help conservative singles interact casually? Is the problem that they are not interacting or that they are not interacting about the right things. I still believe that the arranged marriage system is best, courtship is next and dating is out of the question. Why can't we have family nights where whole families that are looking for potential mates for their children can come and interact. That would take a lot of the pressure off the children and place them in a semi-familiar environment. Call it transitioning.

How does your community handle this challenge. To be frank, most of my friends date. There is no-one in my church that I am remotely interested in as they are looking for dating only. The number of Christians that want to do it God's way is VERY slim. We have lots of opportunities for dating but no-one wants to ask my dad's permission to see me. For some reason, there is a very high lack of accountability among young people today.