Comments on: Courtship Challenge #2: Interaction

By: Vanessa_A

Vanessa_A — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 20:41:18 +0000

I'm not a home school graduate so I don't know if my insight will help much, but in every Christian’s life there is a balance that can only be worked out by each Christian individually. For instance I choose to go to the Christian church I go to even though for a long while there was no single man there my age. When my fiancé first asked me to go out we went to an informal restaurant to ease the nerves. What helped was that we already had gone to the same Christian church for a while, were both involved in the same ministry at church so I was already comfortable around him when I agreed to have dinner with him. The interaction through the ministry is what bought us together and both of us having a prayer life helped immensely. If I wasn't involved in church ministry I doubt I would be engaged or know how to interact with someone my age because I would only be interacting with my family.

By: Daniel B

Daniel B — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 18:42:56 +0000

Are a lot fewer homeschool girls than guys going to college? A lot fewer of them are finding Godly men in college than the number of men finding Godly women in college? I don't think either of those is the issue.

By: Throcket

Throcket — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 14:08:44 +0000

The problem is the social imbalance. If conservative homeschool guys are allowed to put themselves in situations where they can choose between girls raised in similar fashions, and girls who are raised other ways, it necessarily follows that some of them will choose girls raised in other ways.

If girls are not allowed the same opportunities to meet people, their dating pool has to get smaller because many homeschool guys are no longer available.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:20:44 +0000

From a girl's point of view: we have a tendency to want to manipulate situations. We meddle where we should just be patient and wait. So it isn't always the best advice to go out and try something new. Sometimes we are right where God wants us, but it isn't the right time. Therefore, I agree with previous comments that guys should initiate the chase. In turn, girls should be willing to step out and be social.

God brings people together in surprising ways. We should “seek first His kingdom” rather than basing every decision on how it relates to getting married. We could focus all our energy on finding the right church with eligible men or women and then meet someone special while walking the dog. You never know.

By: Father of 5

Father of 5 — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 00:18:08 +0000

Young single men must initiate the relationship. Be courageous men of God! Fear Him. If the young lady dumps you like the contents of a garbage truck, then cling to God. The most effective learning experiences in my life were when I got dumped. I received much instruction from my parents, family and friends about how to appropriately treat a lady, but would have never truly learned how to properly treat ladies, without being dumped many times by them. Or, more appropriately, treat my one special lady of 30 years of marriage. God can work in us so well at times like these.
So, either way, you are a winner. Rejection is a good teacher, acceptance makes a good wife. Both good. So, gentlemen, be careful how you hear. God just might lead you to drop the knee and propose to your girlfriend. It is a good time of year for that sort of thing.

By: Daniel B

Daniel B — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:51:46 +0000

“The lack of interaction has caused many home school guys to marry public school girls they meet at college. The home school girls stay home deep into their 20s not meeting many single men. They wonder where all the godly men are.”

I'm failing to see why this is a problem, unless one believes that home school guys OUGHT to ONLY marry home school girls and vise versa. If the home school guys can marry public school girls, why can homeschool girls not marry public school guys?

That said, there is a reason that home school guys are not going after home school girls, and it has to do with what most homeschooled kids (and most Christian kids) are taught about relationships and about their own identity and sexuality. They are taught that it's taboo to ask about or learn about, that it's inherently dirty, girls are taught to be suspicious of all guys because they are perverted and lustful, guys are taught that there is something wrong with them for having a sex drive and strong hormones, girls are taught to be helpless with regards to relationships and play hard-to-get games as if the Godly way for a women to be pursued was to send every man on earth a strong “don't pursue me” signal, etc …. most guys with enough initiative and confidence to be willing to put themselves out on a limb are going to go find a better limb than this to put themselves out on!

By: Alexander

Alexander — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:45:13 +0000

I think you hit the nail on the head. As a male who went to public school and then a Christian college, I'm pretty frustrated in the 'interaction' department. I had lots of female friends in college. I met new (Christian) girls on a regular basis. Now I've graduated and I go to a fairly small church. My network of friends is pretty static. It's hard to meet new people.

I'm proof that this problem is not specific to homeschool folks, conservatives, or evangelicals, and I'd wager it's not specific to Christians either. In fact, I think church and church activities actually give us an (albeit slight) advantage over non-Christians. Where church and college fail us, I think we have to do what everyone else does: go to parties/Bible studies/hang out times/etc., meet friends' friends, and hope for the best.

I also agree that less interaction means less casual-ness. When dates are few and far between, there's less 'practice,' more anxiety, and more pressure to perform. It's human nature to set high expectations on a rare opportunity, but we do ourselves (and the other) a great disservice in doing so.