Does Courtship Work?

Over the last several months I have talked with dozens of moms about courtship. They have come to me privately and in small groups. They always ask the same question. “Does courtship work? “You tried it.” they ask. “Do you recommend it? How do we make it work for our family” This blog is my answer.

The Goal of Courtship

But wait, before you can determine whether courtship works you have to define its objective. In an abstract sense we all agree the objective is to glorify God. But this is not helpful since this should be our objective for all things. It is also unhelpful since God can receive glory in failure as well as successes. So we need a more measurable goal for courtship.

If the goal of courtship is to get young people into godly marriages then I think that it often fails to achieve this goal. There are exceptions of course. There are girls as beautiful as Helen of Troy and men as brave as King Agamemnon to win their hearts. They find each other and have remarkable courtships that their communities watch and admire.

But most girls don’t look like Helen nor are most men as brave as Agamemnon.

The Result

A commitment to courtship often ends up being a commitment to celibacy. I know more people who are married due to traditional arranged marriages than I do through this new form of courtship the home school community is trying to develop.

The few who make it work are so remarkable that they are talked about far and wide. People over 100 miles away heard about the two home schoolers who were courting in Austin. The courtship was exceptional because it was just that: the exception.

If you wanted to create system that kept young people single but was not so strict that they rebelled against it, how would it be different from modern courtship? If the goal of courtship is to scare guys and girls away from each other, then it succeeds.

In our rejection of casual dating I feel that we have thrown out the baby (marriage) along with the bath water (sexual & relational impurity).

Achieving the Goal

Over the next weeks and months I will be posting about how courtship breaks down in the following areas:

• Identification
• Interaction
• Initiation

We will then examine how other communities guide their singles into marriage. I will cover at least the:

• Chinese Underground Church Model
• Indian Model
• Jewish Model
• Antioch Model
• Just to name a few

Guests will post on this blog. Sometimes with views that disagree with mine. The idea is to start a discussion. I don’t have all the answers but I have a lot of good questions. If you can write a focused post that offers a unique perspective you may just find your voice here.

My goal with these articles is to spur discussion to help us develop a working system for this process we call “courtship.” One reason everyone has a different definition for “courtship” is that we haven’t worked out the kinks yet. We are all still innovating whether we are willing to admit it or not. I hope to spur that innovation onward.

What do you think?

Please let me know what you think. Don’t worry if you disagree. I can take it. You can comment anonymously

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