If you can keep these areas in balance you may save yourself from a painful crash at the end of the runway.

Time

The time gauge measures how much time you spend together. Generally it means time together alone.

You know that couple that started going together a few months ago? You know, the one that seemed to disappear? You sorta see them around but they are always together ignoring everyone else. This couple may have their time out of proportion. Spending time with your boyfriend is important and leaving other relationships is part of courtship. But this leaving should be a gradual transition. Or I could be wrong. What do you think?

You don’t want your time together to outstrip your commitment. When you first start moving down the runway resist the temptation to push this gauge to 11. If you do this you may alienate the friends you have. Those are the very friends you will need down the road.

Touch

This can be a touchy subject . Some courtship models decry touching the opposite sex as a sin.

This is one of the topics you will want to talk through at the beginning of your relationship. Where are the tick marks going to be on your gauge? At what point do you plan to start holding hands?

The amount of touch should be closely tied to your level of commitment. Some couples decide not to kiss until they are engaged. Other couples don’t kiss until their wedding day. I have yet to meet a couple who made such a commitment and later regretted it. Many couples regret going to far to soon. Self restraint in this area can build a great deal of trust later on.

Talk

Talk is a measure of how much time you spend Facebooking, texting, chatting on the phone or whatever.

The more you talk the more involved you will become emotionally. The more connected you are emotionally the more painful the breakup will be if it happens. This gauge hurts a lot if you let it get to red before the other gauges.

Make sure your level of talk is anchored to your amount of commitment.

One of the challenges to long distance relationships is that you spend a lot of time talking without spending time together. This takes away your opportunity to see how your girlfriend interacts in real life. If your primary interaction is over the phone it is possible to get a skewed view of the other person. This is something you have to consciously guard against if you are in a long distance relationship.

What do you think? How do you make long distance relationships work?

Commitment

Commitment is the standard by which the other three gauges should be measured. It helps to periodically check the other areas of your relationship against this gauge. Also realize that your boyfriend might not be as committed to the relationship as you are.

Broken hearts happen when one person is more committed than the other.

It can be hard to tell how committed the other person is to a relationship. One piece of advice is to look at actions more than you listen to words. How committed is your girlfriend to the other relationships in her life? What do you think? How can you tell if your girlfriend is committed to the relationship?

Here are some other indicators to pay attention to:

• Time is a measurement of priorities.
• Talk is a indicator of emotional connection.
• Touch is a indicator of attraction.

Thanks to Jimmie Seibert, the Pastor of Antioch Community Church. A lot of this came from him first.

What do you think?

• Is there a gauge that’s missing?
• Do you find this helpful? Why or why not?

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Not only is this season preparation for marriage, it’s also a test to see how well you will do when married.

Faithful in the little things

The relationship habits you develop right now are habits you’ll carry into your future relationship. They won’t be erased and reformatted the night before the wedding.

Jesus said “He that is faithful in that which is least, is faithful also in much.” (Luke 16:10) This principle applies to relationships as well as finances, opportunities, etc. How you interact with the people in your life now is an accurate indicator of how you will act in the future.

How do you interact with your parents and siblings? If you can get along with your family, you can get along with anyone. However, God didn’t intend for families to simply cope with each other.

Quick Test

Are you:

• seeking to serve?
• practicing genuine love?
• honoring authority?
• being a “giver” rather than a “taker” in the relationship?

If we’re not practicing these things now, why do we think we can suddenly start doing it when we marry? If we have not been faithful with the lesser relationships we have, how can we ask God to entrust to us a marriage relationship? You attract the quality of person you are, so if you want to attract a high caliber soul-mate, you must yourself be a high caliber person.

From Shepherd to King

Consider the Biblical example of David. He was the youngest in his family and was assigned the job of watching the sheep. His older brothers had great opportunities following the banner of the King, and David had none. From a human perspective, he had no future. However, when God saw that he was ready, David was thrust suddenly onto the national stage, and an odyssey began for him that ended at the throne of Israel itself.

Many young people feel like David, and are tempted to waste the opportunities they have. Resist this temptation.

The reason some never leave the sheepfold is because they don’t learn the lessons of the sheepfold.

The greatest training ground for a successful marriage is the relationships you have right now. If I fail with those relationships, I have no business worrying about the fact that I may not know many potential mates or that I have no prospect of finding someone.

If David had not been faithful defending the sheep how could he have stood before Saul and said he could defeat Goliath? If you can’t keep your room clean how do expect to manage a household?

Faithfulness in the small, insignificant things brings rewards, greater opportunities, and the praise of the Master. “Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” (Matt. 25:23)

What do you think?

• How do you know when you are ready to get married?
• Do you feel your current relationships are preparing you to get married?

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• 5 Reasons Single Women Should Leave The Nest (30)
• The Importance of Being Balanced (7)
• Leaving is Hard to Do (4)

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Not all women are Helen of Troy or Miss California, but all women are created in the image of a beautiful God.  Should the attraction between the male’s eye and the woman’s physical beauty be suppressed or encouraged?

After all, before men see spiritual, or soul beauty, they see the physical beauty (or lack of) in a woman. Women long for men to appreciate their true beauty, which encompasses all of their being: spirit, soul, and body.

Spiritual Beauty

Spiritual beauty is the inner beauty that comes from the strength and confidence of who one is in Christ.  Renew the mind to walk in the truth of true spiritual beauty as being whole and complete first and only in Christ. This beauty comes from knowing you are accepted and loved in the Beloved. Read Ephesians 1 for great truth on identity and position in Christ.  All other components of beauty flow from this.

Beauty of the Soul

The soul is your mind, will, and emotions.  Have you ever stopped to consider the beauty of a person flowing with the emotion of love and joy and poured out and offered to those around them?  There is beauty in a child submitting her will to her parents by choosing to obey.  It is a beautiful thing when a teacher uses her mind to communicate a principal or truth to her students.  This is beauty of the soul and is free to be expressed when one is confident and aware of their spiritual beauty in Christ.

Beauty of the Body

Beauty of the body is one that is too often overlooked and sadly suppressed in many courtship settings.  Minimum physical adornment often becomes synonymous for modesty.  Modesty is an imperative Biblical standard, but it should not preclude physical beauty.  It is often said that inner beauty will shine through and you don’t need to worry so much about your physical beauty.  Yet, both are a reflection of each other.

Proverbs 31 Beauty

The Proverbs 31 woman is a fine role model of all three areas of beauty:

• She was clothed in fine linen, purple, and scarlet – physical beauty.
• She also girded herself with strength and dignity – beauty of the soul.
• She was praised for her fear of the Lord – spiritual beauty!

To deny the importance of physical beauty is to deny an essential part of who a woman is. We cannot overlook it when we evaluate courtship.  Beauty could be one of the most pervasive thoughts in men’s minds.  The male mind beholds visual beauty first. The female  heart deeply desires to feel physically attractive to men. Beauty is important.

What do you think?

Is beauty important? Does your community over value or under value physical beauty?

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